We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
