One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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