I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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