We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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