I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
