So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.