When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
