Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.