i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me