I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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