Someone shit on the floor
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb