i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
