this just has baby written all over it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
