Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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