i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
