Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
