Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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