Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
