the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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