After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
