My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
