How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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