I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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