I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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