i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
