I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
