I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
