She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
