I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
