I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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