nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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