upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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