we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
