just tell him i said nine months
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
