why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
