Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I checked into jail on foursquare
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize