My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
