Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
