I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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