and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
