i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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