Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're like the curious george of whores
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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