Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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