My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
