I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
