just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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