I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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