did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
