How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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