we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
