His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
