I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
