Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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