We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
