i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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