i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
