Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was like eating out sand paper
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
