I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
