So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
