i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
