I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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