if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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