yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
