This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
