Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
