so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.