just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us