Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.