I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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