theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.