I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?