i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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