yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage