I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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