Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
