My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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