Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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